What happened?

Hello everyone

So... It's been about 4 months since my last post on this blog. If any of you should ask where did I vanish... Well, there were couple times I wanted to write something/anything, but could not find the right words or just thought who in this Crazy world would take time out of their busy lives to read what I put up here. Aand here's what I've been up to.

Candle in the center 🕯
20.09.2018

So I decided to take a year-off after 12 years of waking up early, attending classes and trying to work my bottom off to avoid angry people or death(too much, I know😛)... When it was Fall, I took walks around Viimsi, even went back to my school. I really enjoyed the fact I can be outside and didn't have to worry about a need to rush anywhere. No need to think "Oh shoot, I'm late, where'd the time go". Of course, sometimes it is nice to be wanted, to perform at least. In October, I got together with Viimsi Kooliteater once again to sing and dance to Valgre's songs. After that gig, it's been silent. I still go to WAF school, always singing but... still, odd.

Mentioning WAF reminds me, here's a link to my performance in the beginning of November.
It's all coming back (cover) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVv-xNM5NSc

Since summer ended, I've been persuaded to do whatever things to keep me active and going. First of all, I went back to the very first theatre group I joined 8 years ago, Viimsi Muusikaliteater. Since it was going to be a special project for that theatre this year, they invited every single person who has ever taken part of their musicals, including myself. In the end, I said Yes and so far it's been fun in rehearsals. Not easy, but..still, fun. 😉

Sunset 13.10.2018

 A couple of weeks ago a friend made me a job offer. They were looking for a shop assistant into a store that I had never heard of before those couple weeks. Instead of admitting I did not want to go I decided to be a good friend (and daughter) and at least give it a chance. Yesterday was supposed to be me trying out, but about half an hour later I came to a conclusion this isn't for me, and left. I kept thinking about that for the rest of the day... I felt so horrible. I just felt like I betrayed that friend and wasted their time. But approaching to a stranger and talk to them(mostly what to suggest) - uhm, No. It was all too new for me. People encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone and... maybe I wanted to, but could not do it. Honestly, I understand that people want me to do all I can in this crazy world/life, but after yesterday I feel such a mental stress... nobody wants that. How can I just tell a family member to stop bugging me with this subject for 1 flipping year?! I am not ready to become and adult, at least not yet! I know, I'm a Horrible person.

If all of this feels too depressing to read, I apologize. However, after a long day of holding back and letting out tears, I just felt that I have to get it out of my system by writing. So hopefully someday I will type about something that is in a much lighter mood. Sending Love to you all and hoping for better days to come.

Bye for now 😇🌈